Advice For Those Married to an Introvert

Recently Donald Miller posted this article entitled “How to Get Along with an Introvert”. Since my husband is an introvert, as are many of my closest friends and both of my sister-in-laws, I tend to read anything with a title like this.

A few days later Coach and I were chatting and he asked if I’d learned anything new from the article.  My response was, “well, not really, I mean, it doesn’t really apply to you, but Miller said: ‘They want to transition and get comfortable and then engage. When an introvert comes home and is charged with some social responsibility immediately, it’s tough.’ ”

This comment caused my dear husband to burst into laughter.  I stood there shocked, and began to protest.  “But every marriage book says I’m supposed to greet you at the door!”  “I go out of my way to try to do this, and feel guilty when I don’t!” “You always greet us so warmly when you walk in the house!”

In the middle of the laughter, Coach caught his breath long enough to respond.  “Because I’m supposed to greet you happily!”

So there you have it, folks, 13.5 years into marriage and I finally have the freedom to continue on with whatever project I’m in the middle of when my husband walks in the door.  Now, I’m not saying this will always be the case, my advice to you is to actually to ASK your husband or wife if the advice being given applies to them.  I’ve used this challenging (ahem!) technique with other advice being offered, but it hadn’t crossed my mind that my poor coach would prefer to just walk in our house unannounced.  I mean, EVERY marriage book talks about making the home a haven and greeting your husband warmly welcoming him into the house.

So here is me connecting the dots:  My husband speaks to people all day long.  He leads meetings, practices, recruits, sits on committees on campus, of COURSE, he’s all out of words when walks in the door.  Part of decompressing for him is actually the transition of entering our home.  Introverts prefer to transition, then engage.  DUH!

Thanks, Donald Miller for your advice, this type A girl will happily move forward without guilt and stay on track with projects!

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