One of my favorite writers is Kelli Bachara The Unraveling Blog. In a recent post “Safe” Friends Make the Best Friends
There are many different types of friends we can have in this life.
But it’s the safe friends that will leave the greatest impact on us.
A safe friend allows you to breathe deeper and lighter, because you don’t have to have your guard up. You know they aren’t going to hurt you.-Kelli Bachara
I’ve been thinking a lot about this post since I first read it, and I feel incredibly grateful to say that I have a list of safe friends in my life. There have been plenty of situations where I’ve needed to lean on them to process life events.
As a coach’s wife, I’ve had to learn how to foster long-distance friendships in some cases. I’ve also had to become discerning as I meet new people with every move to a new town. God has graciously allowed my path to cross with amazing women in every location I’ve lived. And through the miracle of the internet, I’ve even discovered safe friends across the country.
Look for Safe Friends in Safe Spaces
Over the last year, I’ve had many conversations with women who carry wounds from people they once trusted. They now realize the spaces they are living in are not safe. For some, their health has been put at risk. For others, their morality and value systems have been questioned. When you’ve been wounded it’s you may find yourself hesitant to open up to new people.
For me, similarly to many of my coaching friends, an important value is of safe friends and safe spaces is that they do more than pay lip service to caring for every person God places in our path. We take seriously the Greatest Command and The Great Commission and don’t believe these concepts can be ignored or selectively applied.
Narrowing down where you connect with women will increase your opportunities to find safe friends. So, the real question is, where are some safe spaces to connect with other coaches’ wives for free?
Friday Night Wives
Founder Jordan Harrell has created a thriving community on Facebook which is a private group just for coaches’ wives. She also has built out a fully public website where everyone can learn from a variety of writers. Here’s what Jordan’s vision for Friday Night Wives is:
This will not be a place where we glorify the coach’s wife’s lifestyle. One thing is for certain: this one role is not our identity or our foundation.
However, we get something about one another. A fellow coach’s wife understands some things others might not. Like, how often you get a phone call from your husband saying, “Hey babe, eight of my guys are coming over for dinner in about an hour.”
It is hard. But it’s also so good.
I want this to be a place that helps you feel a little less alone, even after your fourth move to who-the-heck-knew-this-place-even-existed. Maybe we’ll never get to meet at a Taco Bueno after a [insert sport here] game or for coffee after school drop-off to hash out the struggles of the current season. A girl can dream.Jordan Harrell
The Coach’s Wife Podcast and The Huddle by The Fly Fox Apparel
Founder Kayla Fox is truly a creative that I call the energizer bunny. Kayla is always creating something new! She’s absolutely hilarious and so incredibly clever. I find myself having to put myself on a budget just to make sure I don’t click “buy” every time an email comes in from The Fly Fox.
But Kayla is MUCH more than a clothing vendor. She has a huge heart for cheering on coaches’ wives and encouraging them to see how amazing the ministry opportunities with sports can be. The Huddle by The Fly Fox Apparel is Kayla’s safe space coaches’ wives and girls who love game day. The group is a place for encouragement and resourcing each other on stage of life situations.
The Coach’s Wife Podcast is a place to talk about everything from what it’s really like being married to a coach, how we deal with critical fans, the ministry of the coaching family, and everything in between. Whether you’re on your way to team dinner or picking up the slack at home while Coach is at work, huddle up and rest assured: you can find joy + community as a coach’s wife and it can all start right here.
Kayla is ensuring that coaches’ wives around the country have a safe space to talk about the reality of the coaching life. Not sure where to start? Listen to Episode 46 Why Communities Matter; Episode 43 with Crystal Ware and then check out my interview with Kayla on Episode 16.
And of course, as you’re pursuing your calling you know you have access to my Mighty Network where you can ask any questions you need to along the way.
I hope you’ve found this shout out to safe friends helpful. However, I would be remiss to acknowledge that it’s also important to look for safe friends in your local community. This is something I write about in Lessons from the Sidelines. It’s vital to create your best tribe, and that needs to include people you see face to face.