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One of the hardest lessons I continue to learn over and over is that I will never succeed at trying to be all things to all people all the time. You may be thinking, of course, you can’t! That’s crazy! But as an Enneagram 2 my instinct is to help and as a coach’s wife, my instinct is to figure it out. So when our schedule is packed and that emergency comes out of nowhere, instead of asking for help my natural response is to step up and get things done.

I’ve learned that even though I may be able to do SOMEthing to help, it’s not always the BEST thing that someone needs. It’s usually best if I stay in my lane.

How to Stay in Your Lane

We all have a set of skills, gifts, and talents. We have unique knowledge formed from our life experiences and education. I’ve found myself in situations where because I am able to draw on a past experience a response in the present is exactly what someone needs.

There are also times where it’s best to defer to someone with more knowledge on a subject. Here’s a simple example. While I am a parent, when a friend asks for advice about their daughter I may not be the best person to answer since I’m raising boys.

We stay in our lane when we understand our strengths and weaknesses.

We stay in our lane when we pause to consider what others bring to the conversation rather than assuming the responsibility falls to us alone.

We stay in our lane when we trust that others will step in and fill the gap when we say no.

Consider Your Circumstances

One of the life experiences I am able to speak about is interracial marriage. The reality is, almost two decades later this is a subject I don’t mind to discuss, but I used to avoid it at all cost. But, we lived in a community where college students only had two or three couples to talk to, and they wanted to hear multiple perspectives.

So even though I would have prefered my conversations revolve around something other than race relations, it was clear God called us to a season of life where that was a part of our ministry. It is part of my lane.

The best part of staying in your lane is the freedom it brings to operate within your strengths and gifts. Don’t be afraid to say no. Acknowledge that there are other people better qualified to do some things. In the long run, it will be best for everyone. The reality is, as a coach’s wife you will always have a full plate. So take choose your extras wisely by staying in your lane.

Last week I spent several days in Tennessee with a dear friend and her delightful daughters. My trip was a combination of work and fun, but the timing on it was scheduled intentionally. You see, my friend’s husband is currently deployed.

Working remotely includes the benefits of working from anywhere there is WiFi, so as soon as I heard a deployment was pending I looked at our calendar and found a few weeks where life would allow for a jaunt south.

I was welcomed with opened arms, set up in a beautiful guest room and my friend jumped into hostess mode. She clearly has the spiritual gift of hospitality and was moving through her days making sure I was entertained on top of maintaining her home, working full-time, mothering two young girls, and keeping the plates of daily life spinning.

By day two I finally spoke up. “I didn’t come to add to your burden, I planned this trip to lighten your load. Please let me unload the dishwasher.”

The startled look on my sweet friend’s face told me I hadn’t made my intentions clear from the start. “Who does that? Who leaves their family to come help people like this?”

I smiled because the answer is obvious. Coaches wives! We’ve all been there! We know what it’s like to need extra adult hands for a few days while our husbands are in the thick of recruiting or pre-season camp.

We know how hard it is to run errands with littles and how something always breaks when our husbands are aways.

Now that my boys are older and my husband’s schedule allows me the time and opportunit to help the answer is simple.

Who does this? Me

Why? Because I can.

Let’s be clear. I’m not sharing this to brag and I realize my opportunity is not one everyone can seize, but you do not need to drive hours out of town to serve families in the midt of deployment

So, whether you know a coaches’s wife who is on her own with the kids or a military wife in the same boat here are a few ideas of ways you can help:

• Invite them for a meal
• Drop a meal off
• Watch the kids so mom can run errands
• Give gift cards to their favorite restaurants
• Clean their house
• Bring the trash cans up from the curb
• Send them a note and tell them they are amazing

We all have the capacity to do something to help cheer each other on. When we embrace the opportunity with a “because I can” attitude we all win. The truth is, what feels like an insignificant good deed will impact someone who needs support emmensley.

I’m writing over at The Glorious Table today!

Are you convinced fear of the unknown is a valid boundary? Sometimes I am.

According to the Exeter Daily, “The African impala can jump to a height of over 10 feet and cover a distance of greater than 30 feet. Yet these magnificent creatures can be kept in an enclosure in any zoo with a 3 foot wall. The animals will not jump if they cannot see where their feet will land.”

While I’d love to believe I’m wiser than these animals, a quick review of my rationale for saying no to the unknown reveals that I, too, often trust a trainer who convinces me I can’t walk the path God calls me to because I’m too afraid of what might be on the other side of what I see as a wall.

Refusing the Lie

Why am I so likely to believe the lie that I’m unqualified or too weak to conquer a challenge? While the question itself may differ situationally, the reality is that when I find myself afraid of what’s behind a wall, it’s because I forgot to take stock of who I am in Christ.

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