Heartbreak Examined; Knowledge Revealed



“If you want to know someone’s heart you have to know what breaks it.”  Jon Meacham was discussing his book on Bush 41 with Charlie Rose when he made this statement.  Charlie Rose finished saying it with him and I immediately wondered how I had missed this profound reality.

The people I trust, those who know my deepest thoughts are those I’ve connected with in heartbreak.  The people who I feel like I understand are those who have shown me their hearts in the positive and negative times. Whether it has been my heart or their’s, relationships have been built in the vulnerable seasons.

In the hard times, the wilderness seasons our heart is most exposed.  My wilderness was a time which revealed itself to not only break my heart but the hearts of many around me.  My doubts and frustrations became contagious for some and were confirmation of personal doubts for others. When I finally opened up and confessed my weakening faith my support system strengthened and my parched spirit was watered again.  Growth commenced where withering had occurred.

The paradox for me when it comes to heartache is that when I’m wounded I don’t want to connect with others.  I want to hide and wait out the ache. As I hid like a wounded animal my heart did not mend the cracks deepened.  God has a purpose for everything and a season in the wilderness is not different.

Isaiah 41:17-18 (NASB)

(Click link to read full chapter)

17 “The afflicted and needy are seeking water, but there is none,
And their tongue is parched with thirst;
I, the Lord, will answer them Myself,
As the God of Israel I will not forsake them.
18 “I will open rivers on the bare heights
And springs in the midst of the valleys;
I will make the wilderness a pool of water
And the dry land fountains of water.

Isaiah 43:19-20 (NASB)

19 “Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.
20 “The beasts of the field will glorify Me,
The jackals and the ostriches,
Because I have given waters in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert,
To give drink to My chosen people.


“If you want to know someone’s heart you have to know what breaks it.”  The range of what can lead to feelings of ache within my heart have surprised me over the years.  Each process from an ache to healing has taught me something about myself and those in my inner circle.  Each heartache has also taught me a little more about God.

As I learned more about God, I learned more about myself and it because of this process Meacham’s words ring loudly in my ears.

The Invitation Of Wilderness

Today I start my weekly Wednesday wilderness (www ha!) posts!  I’m posting in full over at Lessons From The Wilderness Study….here’s a preview!


Loneliness had begun to be the banner that hung over me for years. Instead of clinging to God, allowing Him to fill my time, thoughts and surroundings, I kept myself busy with tasks. Sometimes I defined those tasks as a ministry, but because I wasn’t allowing God to fill me, as life got bumpy, so did my attitude. And that was a recipe for disaster.

Read: Genesis 37-40

Reflect: Genesis 37-50 tells the story of Joseph, son of Jacob.

Genesis 37:1-8

Keep reading HERE

Friday Five-Five Goals for the New Year

God laid on my heart back in October that my One Word for this year would be Growth.    At the time I had no idea all that would encompass, but as December has revealed itself Growth will be even more stretching than it seemed!

Five areas of Growth this year are…

Family– My boys are getting older, and I realize our days of influence are lessening. This year I’m looking for ways to connect with my boys individually, finding the “shoulder to shoulder” quality time opportunities to have fun and listen.

Ordell and I will be married 15 years this June.  There has been a lot of living in these years together, and my prayer is that as we grow older, we will grow together discovering, even more, depths to our relationship than this first 15 has brought.

Ministry- I’m in a sweet season of ministry these days.  Watching the women on our campus pursue Jesus with a new hunger brings me deep joy.  It is a privilege to be invited to be an influencer in their lives.  I’m looking forward to a retreat with them in January and attending conferences for myself in February and March!  We’ll also host our 2nd IF Local conference on campus as well.  My prayer is that God will clearly direct our ministry in the direction he desires it to go and that more women on our campus will feel loved and encouraged by it.

I’m feeling more determined to love on our team this year too.  We’ve tossed around some ideas, and I’m hoping to get to the point where I finally know ALL their names without the aid of uniform numbers 😉

Wellness Coaching- Although not something I write about often here, I have a “real life job” as a campus wellness coach, which will now support 2 college campuses.  As I obtain certification after certification, I’m reminded of how intertwined nutrition and wellness are with a balanced life.  I’ll wrap up my Naturopath Certification in the next month adding it to Diet and Nutrition Counselor, Mindful and Emotional Eating Counselor, Life Coach and Stress Management Counselor.  I want to continue to grow in my Coaching skills to best support my clients as they need.

Health I wrote recently about my 22 month Thyroid Health journey. My doctor is working towards putting me into maintenance mode in the next few months.  This is an exciting step for me as it means fewer blood draws, less medicine, and fewer doctor appointments.  It’s also scary because it means I will be on my own to pay attention to symptoms that may need further attention, and of course, since it’s my job there’s a little extra motivation to stay on the right health track!  My desire is to grow in knowledge and understanding of my body and to be able to do my part to independently keep my thyroid as healthy as possible.

Relationship with God Certainly not least, but lastly, I’m hungry for growth in my personal relationship with God.  After a few years of a wilderness season, I’m finding I see and hear God in new ways.  I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I feel like I’ve learned some lessons from scripture that need to be shared.  As I continue to pursue God, I’m taking the time to reflect on what I’ve learned.  I’ll be posting on Wednesdays over on a separate blog Lessons From The Wilderness.  This will be Bible study format with my personal journey sprinkled in.  I’ve learned it’s impossible to move forward while trying to ignore the past. My prayer is that as I reflect in a more structured format, putting words to lessons God’s carried me through that growth will occur and the past will encourage future growth, and maybe you will understand something differently too!

I’m linking up with Mrs. Disciple. Check out the #FridayFive HERE!