Finding Your Voice as a Coach’s Wife

I wanted to follow up on my podcast interview and offer a few ways you can begin the journey to find your voice as a coach's wife.

I had the privilege of chatting with Anne Marie Cross this past Sunday evening on her podcast The Christian Entrepreneurs Podcast.

We chatted briefly about my journey to finding my voice, and the process of learning pursue my passions. As you might imagine, it’s hard to concisely present a life journey and it’s something I continue to unpack every week. But today, I wanted to follow up on my podcast interview and offer a few ways you can begin the journey to find your voice as a coach’s wife.

Here are a few steps you can take to find your voice:

Accept Your Circumstances:

When I’m chatting with a coach’s wife there is one thing that sets an alarm off in my head without fail. It’s when that wife confesses that she feels trapped. Whether she feels this way because she can’t work in her preferred profession, or she can’t live near her support network, or her life stage is not where she wants to be, it all comes back to the same dangerous path because when we feel trapped we naturally look for a way out.

Here’s the thing, the journey to living your fullest life, within your calling begins with accepting your current life stage. God does not make mistakes and he is not waiting for you to achieve a specific life stage in order for you to be an effective light for him.

Focus on Self-Awareness:

Knowing who you are and why you respond the way you do it vital to living out your passions well. I believe this is best done by digging into who you are and how you are uniquely wired.

  • Love Languages
  • Enneagram
  • StrengthsFinder
  • Apology Languages
  • Spiritual Gifts
  • Meyers-Brigg
  • DISC

All of these tests will give you a window into how you perceive the world and what fills your love tank. For me, the Enneagram was the key that helped me to connect all the dots.

Be Realistic:

Once I had confirmed that I was doing things that were sucking the life out of me instead of filling me up I had to get realistic about what I needed to do to get where I wanted to go. I took a hard look at my calendar and commitments and came to the understanding that in order to do what I was passionate about well I was going to learn to say no.

I was so overcommitted that I was running myself ragged. Writing was the hobby that I rarely had time for, which is crazy because it is the thing that feeds my soul. I needed to feed myself so that I could begin to feed others better.

For some of you being realistic might mean that you have to accept that to do what you want to do you are going to need to go back to school and gain the right degree, or you are going to have to work remotely instead of having that corner office.

It might mean that you need to take a pay cut, or even volunteer for a while to build your resume. Sometimes being realistic means cutting through your pride and accepting life is going to move at a different pace than you prefer.

Tell Someone:

Once I had the ball rolling on a life path shift I needed to tell my husband what was going on because without his support I would likely run away when things got hard. More than that, I needed him to be in my corner cheering me on. Life is hard enough, there’s no reason to soldier alone.

Pray:

One thing that happens through this process is that once people determine where they are going to put prayer on the back burner. For some reason, we forget that God is always in pursuit of a deeper relationship with us. What better time to learn more about how you were uniquely created than when you are living your best life using the voice your Creator gave you?

Prayer will keep you on this path and will give you the strength and discernment to use your voice the way God has designed you to do so.

Well, I hope this short overview provides you with a few action steps you can take to begin to find your voice. Just remember friend, your husband’s calling is important, and so is yours.

Listen to the whole interview here.

 

My Life Statement Including Delight

31 Days on (1)

In the You’re Already Amazing Growth Guide by Holley Gerth encourages participants to write a Life Statement. The statement is more than direction. Several exercises combine to discover strengths and gifts. I’ve wrestled with mine feeling as if something has been missing. When reading Daring to Hope Katie Davis Major’s conviction lifted the veil on why my own life statement had yet to feel complete.

“I look down at my feet, filthy from this day of trekking through dust. I feel the sweat drip down my brow. I will show up to heave like this too. Worn and dirty from the effort of giving all I have. Scarred from loving deeply, living fully, hoping wildly.” Katie Davis Majors

Katie knows she is giving 100% of her life to God. She is living where he has called her. She is still wrestling, but she knows the delight of her Lord is in her and upon her.

My Life Statement:

I am created and called to express my faith through love especially by:

  • Partnering with Ordell to serve and mentor those God place in our path
    • By opening our home and providing a safe and welcoming environment.
    • By listening to God to work as a team to raise our sons to glorify God and follow him first.
  • I am called by God to write and speak truth and encouragement into the hearts of those God places in my personal path to mentor and/or cheer on meeting them in the season of life they are currently in and walking alongside them until our life journey’s part.
  • Scarred from loving deeply, living fully, hoping wildly, I will enter heaven and hear “My child your obedience delighted me daily.”

 

On Growth

East river view

October of this year was an interesting one, with four home football games and a bye week it was the first October in our entire marriage that we slept in our own beds every weekend. We also hosted guests almost every weekend. Part of hosting new people in our town is bringing them up to East River Outlook. When weather allows you can several rows of mountains for miles and miles. We live in a gorgeous part of the country. Each season the tree topped mountains astound me with their vibrant colors and ever changing features.  Autumn is by far the most amazing.  The trees turn from green to gold, orange, and bright red plus ever shade in between.

The peak weekend seemed to be the second weekend in October. I was absolutely thrilled to see such awesome trees. It seemed that each day leading up to the weekend a few more trees had leaves that changed and then overnight POP! Colors everywhere. We had a great time taking pictures, driving around and celebrating God’s creativity.  The colors seemed short lived though and by the next weekend things were looking brown.  I was a bit disappointed.  I had remembered the previous autumn’s colors lasting longer.

fall in Bluefield

The busyness of the days continued and my daily trips from home to campus were distracted and rushed at times.  As Saturday arrived the boys and I drove to campus for the homecoming festivities I was shocked to see that what had looked brown and dead just a day earlier was now a vibrant red.

I gleefully exclaimed to my sons to look at the beauty all around. I muttered to myself how surprised I was that the red was there and that the mountains looked even more beautiful than the prior weeks.  As I sat amazed I heard God whisper.  “Yes the most beautiful things always come after the ugly things.”

I couldn’t help but smile. I had recently seen this play out in several ways for our family.  The ugliness that had created stress and fear had been replaced with abundantly answered prayers in the months prior.  God’s glory had fallen on us mightily. The visual reminder of the beauty that can grow from what looks dead was delightful. Scripture reminds us that God makes things beautiful where there was only ashes.

Isaiah 61:1-4 (New International Version)

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.

As 2016 begins I’m eagerly anticipating seeing God reveal Himself by continuing to create beauty in ashes.  My One Word focus this year is “growth”.  This is a word that is filled with hope for me, it is the reminder God gave me a few years ago as I walked through a dark season.  His words to me were very clear in my times of healing.  God revealed to me over and over in scripture how He uses our wilderness seasons to grow something new.  I’m looking forward to sharing with you as I spend time studying wilderness as scripture presents it!

One Word 2016

photos courtesy of East River Outlook Facebook Page